The truth about sex. Natalia Fomicheva about illusions about sex, the harm of porn, decreased libido and infidelity

Today we have Natalya Fomicheva, a candidate of psychological sciences and a psychologist specializing in the topic of sex.

Planning Sex and Idealization The importance of planning sex and the idealization of bodies, sex, and relationships.

Perception Mistakes and Mortgages Mistakes in perception that go beyond just sex. The impact of mortgages on relationships.

Gender-specific Issues Issues faced by men related to a specific problem. Similar problems experienced by women as well as differences in watching porn. Also, how monogamous relationships affect female libido more than male libido.

Sexual life is not just a physiological need but also a psychological one, and its importance varies for different people. For some, it's crucial; for others, it's insignificant. The nature of relationships depends on who organizes them and can lead to conflicts if there are disagreements.

The Link Between Relationships and Sex Problems in relationships often lead to sexual issues, not the other way around. Communication problems, conflicts, and accumulated grievances can eventually affect sexual life. Unsatisfactory sex can be a result of underlying relationship issues.

Common Sexual Issues Sexual disharmony occurs when individuals function well separately but poorly together. Differences in sexual preferences and narrow scenarios may cause conflict or dissatisfaction later on. Infidelity can lead to aversion towards sex even after reconciliation.

Relationships initially form when a man and a woman meet and feel an attraction towards each other. This initial attraction may lead to the development of deeper feelings or be perceived as an illusion.

Over time, sexual desire in a relationship tends to decrease due to physiological factors. Initially, the body produces more active sperm in men and increases the likelihood of conception from a new partner in women. However, routine, mortgages, children reduce libido significantly as partners become accustomed to each other.

Stages of Relationship Development The development of a relationship goes through stages such as symbiosis and differentiation. In the symbiosis stage, people merge into a unified whole, seeking similarities and becoming closer. This is followed by the differentiation stage where individuals start to seek differences and drift apart.

Unhealthy Relationships Relationships can become unhealthy when individuals are unable to separate from the symbiotic phase, leading to conflicts and emotional distress. It's important for couples to understand that they should not function as one organism all the time; they need space for individual growth.

Building Long-lasting Relationships Long-term relationships can lose their spark over time, leading to boredom and routine. Chronic stress, depression, and anxiety affect libido more than just relationship dynamics. Couples may face challenges in maintaining emotional connection and dealing with decreased libido.

Exploring Sexual Practices for Rediscovering Passion To reignite passion in a relationship, couples can explore various sexual practices together with conscious awareness and focus on each other. This requires open communication about individual desires and values related to sexuality as well as making the decision that sexual life is a shared value.

The dilemma between spontaneity and planning in sex arises when living together, as spontaneity diminishes over time. The speaker often advises couples to plan their sexual activities, comparing it to scheduling other daily events like appointments or dates.

Sexual behavior is the direct actions and practices that individuals engage in, encompassing a wide range of concepts such as sexual practices, desires, arousal, and attraction. It is influenced by societal norms and individual perceptions of what is considered right or wrong.

Challenges of Sexual Education Sexual education in male groups can be uncomfortable, leading to a lack of open communication. The discomfort stems from fear of self-disclosure and the delicate nature of the topic.

Barriers to Open Communication The reluctance to discuss sexual preferences and practices is common due to uncertainty about desires and societal expectations. Women often have more knowledge but may feel pressured regarding orgasm during intercourse.

The process of understanding what a woman wants and how she wants it. Experimenting with sensations, pleasure zones, and fantasies to enhance sexual satisfaction.

Understanding Self-Awareness Men know more about themselves than women. This is because men are allowed more sexual freedom and exposure to pornography, which is mainly targeted at them. Society also judges women who express their attraction openly.

Sexual Dysfunction in Men and Women Men may experience performance anxiety due to societal pressure, leading to sexual dysfunction such as erectile dysfunction and ejaculation problems. Women may suffer from the 'sexual anticipation failure syndrome,' causing arousal issues when a man feels pressured about his performance.

The Impact of Pornography Pornography can create unrealistic expectations and distort the perception of sexual life. It often portrays exaggerated emotions and actions, leading to a distorted view of reality.

Psychological Effects Watching pornography before engaging in sexual activities can lead to psychological distortion and affect dopamine production. The passive nature of consuming porn also contributes to a disconnect from real-life experiences.

Social Implications Men who watch porn may develop feelings of inadequacy, affecting their self-esteem and relationships. Additionally, the use of drugs by actors in the industry raises ethical concerns about its impact on individuals' well-being.

Why Do Men Look at Others? Men tend to look at others more from the perspective of women. It's a kind of animal instinct and social behavior, not purely instinctive. Human psychology is complex, with no instincts but readiness for relationships and emotional capacity.

The Social Behavior Program Human behavior program does not cancel out human choice; it's a complex behavioral program deeply ingrained in human psyche without reflexes or instincts. Culture influences behavior towards family and polygamy, shaping their actions.

Joining the Business Community Club 'Business Action Club' offers entrepreneurs opportunities to improve their environment through networking sessions, educational tracks with expert support, knowledge base access from business leaders like Fyodor Ovchinnikov and Oscar Hartman.

The Changing World Technology has drastically changed the way people form relationships and interact with each other. The abundance of dating apps and social media platforms has led to a shift in societal norms, giving individuals more choices but also impacting their perception of others.

Social Impact The rise of technology has influenced how people perceive relationships, sexuality, and human interaction. It has created a constant stream of information that affects cognitive functions such as attention span and memory. This change in perception is not limited to individuals but extends to future generations who are growing up in this digital age.

Expanding Social Connections Advancements in technology have expanded social networks by providing more opportunities for connections with potential partners, friends, or even adversaries. While it offers greater possibilities for meeting new people from different cultures, it also raises questions about the quality and depth of these interactions compared to traditional forms of relationship building.

In situations where people feel trapped and hopeless, they find ways to build and discover something in each other. When united with someone, the lack of options leads to a deeper understanding and exploration of the relationship.

One-Night Stands and Relationships For some people, one-night stands are just about sex, while for others it's more complex. It depends on individual attachment to sexual behavior. Some may need multiple dates before getting intimate due to the need for trust and understanding the other person.

Psychological Flexibility in Relationships The ability of individuals to adapt and connect with each other emotionally determines how distance affects their relationship. Psychological flexibility varies among people, affecting their willingness to adapt or compromise in a relationship.

Impact of Stress on Libido Stress reduces libido due to the activation of the sympathetic nervous system, leading to a hormonal imbalance and chronic stress. The constant state of stress increases cortisol levels and disrupts the body's ability to relax.

Managing Chronic Stress Chronic stress affects individuals differently, with some being able to cope through self-care practices such as relaxation techniques, support from partners or family members, while others experience decreased libido and dissatisfaction even when desiring sexual activity.

Returning to Homeostasis for Sexual Satisfaction 'Homeostasis' is crucial for maintaining bodily functions. When physiological needs are unmet due to chronic stress (e.g., sleep deprivation), it can lead to decreased libido despite wanting sexual pleasure. Returning back into 'homeostasis' is essential for experiencing satisfaction in sexual activities.

Understanding the Need for Sex in Human Life The need for sex is more of a personal preference, and it depends on the individual's lifestyle and priorities. For some people, sex may not be a significant part of their lives, and they can still be happy without it. Happiness is determined by various factors such as biological needs, pleasure from other activities like sports or massage, communication with others, and the pursuit of new experiences.

Exploring Psychological Satisfaction Beyond Sexual Relationships Sexual desire varies among individuals based on their psychological satisfaction from different activities apart from sexual relationships. Some people find fulfillment in exploring new things or enjoying physical pleasures through sports or massage rather than seeking sexual intimacy with others. Communication plays an essential role in satisfying this need as well; however, for some individuals engaging in sexual activity may not hold much significance compared to other forms of interaction.

Male Anxiety About Sex Men often experience anxiety about sex, leading to various problems. This anxiety is prevalent and affects around 40-45% of men in some way. The origins of this anxiety can be traced back to early experiences and societal expectations.

Cultural Evolution of Male Identity The pressure on men to perform sexually has evolved over time, influenced by cultural norms and historical beliefs. Ancient Greek statues depict smaller male genitals as a sign of spiritual superiority, reflecting the changing ideals surrounding masculinity.

Understanding Male Sexual Anxiety Childhood experiences and societal pressures contribute to male sexual anxiety. Traumatic events or unsuccessful sexual encounters during adolescence can lead to long-term anxieties that manifest in different aspects of life. Addressing individual techniques for coping with sexual anxieties is essential due to the lack of universal solutions.

Body Image and Societal Pressure Women experience anxiety about their bodies due to societal expectations. This includes dissatisfaction with breasts, abdomen, cellulite, and other physical features. The pressure leads to sexual dysfunction and a growing trend in plastic surgery.

Hair Loss Concerns Men express concerns about hair loss similar to women's body image issues. They feel the need for solutions but also question why they should undergo expensive procedures when they are content with themselves as they are.

Ideal Beauty Standards Over Time The concept of beauty has evolved over time due to societal influences. Historical depictions of women's bodies have shaped ideals that continue today through media representation and cultural norms.

'Beauty' Industry Influence on Body Image 'Beauty' industry perpetuates unrealistic standards by promoting idealized images that lead individuals into feeling inadequate or dissatisfied with their appearance. Economic factors contribute significantly as well, influencing people's perceptions of beauty standards based on wealth disparities.

The Attraction of Individuals People are attracted to certain individuals based on social and psychological factors. This attraction is not limited to human beings but also exists in various species where mating selection plays a role. The concept of sexual attractiveness involves a complex set of traits that influence how others perceive an individual.

Modern Trends and Cultural Influence Contemporary trends, such as the freedom from wearing bras, reflect specific desires or intentions within society. Additionally, cultural norms shape perceptions of sexual appeal differently across different cultures. For example, the preference for female breasts varies among cultures as demonstrated by an experiment conducted in an African tribe.

Formation of Sexual Desires The formation of sexual desires and preferences is influenced by a combination of biological, psychological, and societal factors. These inclinations can be shaped during childhood through various stimuli and experiences, leading to diverse individual preferences for sexual activities.

Complexity of Sexual Preferences Sexuality is complexly intertwined with power dynamics in society. Some cultures encourage excessive stimulation while others impose strict regulations on sexuality. The desire for multiple partners or constant experimentation may stem from personal deviations or unresolved issues that require attention.

Understanding Sexual Deviation Sexual deviation is not considered abnormal for every individual. The DSM-5 classifies forms of sexual behavior that lead to severe physical harm or death as deviations. Individual norms in sexual behavior vary, and it becomes a problem when one's partner does not approve.

Individual and Partner Norms There are individual norms for sexual activity, such as frequency and duration, but there are also partner norms when partners engage together consciously, voluntarily, without violating the law. Adaptation between partners plays a crucial role in addressing differences in desires and preferences.

Challenges with Orgasm and Stimulation 'Orgasm' is described as an emotional discharge during sex; however, achieving pleasure varies among individuals. Women may find it more challenging due to anatomical factors like clitoral location affecting stimulation zones within the vagina. Statistics show that even fewer women can achieve orgasm through penetration alone.

Understanding Orgasm Orgasm is a physiological reflex that involves stimulation of tissue containing nerve fibers, leading to muscle contractions and pleasant sensations. Men and women experience different emotional reactions after orgasm due to the release of various hormones like oxytocin. The refractory phase in men is longer than in women, affecting their sexual stamina.

Differences Between Genders The differences between male and female orgasms are influenced by hormonal levels such as testosterone in men and estrogen in women. These variations also affect the intensity of emotions experienced during orgasm, contributing to individual experiences based on physiological aspects.

Genetic Compatibility and Fertility The genetic compatibility between partners can affect fertility, as seen in cases where a new partner increases the man's sperm count. Genetic defects or mutations may lead to failed pregnancies or early miscarriages due to mismatched receptors on egg cells. Hormones, lifestyle, and diet also influence spermatogenesis.

Sperm Count and Activity Factors like emotional state, hormones, lifestyle choices, and diet impact sperm count and activity levels. Spermatogenesis is influenced by various factors such as alcohol consumption, physical activity level; however it's not just about quantity but also the quality of sperm that matters for fertility.

Why Do People Cheat? People cheat due to social and emotional reasons, not because of instincts. Infidelity often occurs in the context of difficult life events within a relationship, leading to avoidance of grief and seeking distraction.

The Impact on Relationships Infidelity is often linked to crises within the family system, where emotions become overwhelming. The imbalance caused by infidelity can lead to conflicts and unresolved emotions that persist even after the affair ends.

Common Reasons for Infidelity Lack of communication skills, inability to handle different aspects of personality integration, societal restrictions on monogamy, and internal psychological conflict contribute to infidelity being a widespread issue in relationships.

The Illusion of the Ideal Object Many of us dream about an ideal object, whether it's in relationships or other aspects. We may seek perfection due to a lack of an ideal childhood or parental figure. However, our psyche starts seeking another 'ideal' object which is often based on illusions and perception errors.

Managing Emotions and Desires We cannot control the emergence of emotions, but we can manage them by consciously choosing how to respond. For example, when feeling anxious, one can acknowledge the emotion and decide how to act next. This process is not about controlling emotions but rather managing desires that may lead to self-limitation and negative consequences over time.

Conscious Choices for Self-Care Restrictive behaviors such as strict diets or denying oneself certain desires can lead to internal tension and eventual release through subtle means like rationalizing values in relationships or justifying self-imposed limitations. Making conscious choices based on agreed values helps avoid lifelong struggles within rigid boundaries set by societal norms.

Understanding Oneself The key to understanding oneself lies in developing emotional intelligence and empathy. Validating a child's emotions and providing support helps them build emotional intellect, leading to better self-awareness.

Communication Skills for Relationships Effective communication skills are crucial for building healthy relationships. Recognizing and normalizing emotions, both in oneself and others, is essential for developing the ability to listen to one's own feelings as well as those of others.

Children's Curious Questions Children often ask interesting questions about where babies come from, siblings, and other topics. The speaker reflects on their own emotions when dealing with these questions and wonders if children really need to know all this at such a young age.

Parental Response to Children's Questions Parents should respond qualitatively to children's questions as they arise, introducing safety rules regarding privacy zones on the body. It is important for parents to teach children about safety without creating fear or shame around the topic of sexuality.

Childhood Perception of Adult Behavior The speaker discusses how children perceive adult behavior related to physical affection between parents and understanding healthy tactile interactions. They emphasize that each child may interpret such behaviors differently based on their individual experiences.

'Traumatizing' Childhood Experiences The video concludes by acknowledging that childhood experiences can vary greatly in terms of impact, emphasizing the importance of open communication between parents and providing support for any potential emotional challenges faced by the child later in life.

Checklist for Good Sex Having a checklist in mind to ensure everything goes well in sex. Paying attention to pleasure, avoiding feelings of shame, fear, and discomfort. Reflecting on relationship issues that may affect sexual life.

Sex as Communication Sex is a form of communication within a couple involving verbal and emotional aspects. Discomfort indicates something is not right; it's important to address the problem from the perspective of communication rather than just focusing on sex itself.

Recommendations for valuable sex education materials, including medical textbooks and expert research on sexual practices. The importance of filtering information to find useful knowledge.

The global sexual culture varies significantly from country to country, with overall low levels of sexual education. However, there are places where the level of sexual culture is high due to effective educational programs that have reduced teenage pregnancies.

The main life hack is to maintain a great sex life for a long time. Globalization is a misconception, and it's important to talk openly about taboo topics with ease.