#ABtalks with Iman Gadzhi - مع ايمان كاجي | Chapter 177

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Entering the year, a sense of impending difficulty was felt, which has proven accurate. Life may appear ideal from the outside, but it often involves chaos that disrupts peace—something most people truly desire. True happiness is not about material possessions; it's found in moments of tranquility and appreciation for simple pleasures like nature and music. Currently experiencing a chaotic season is acknowledged as part of life’s journey.

Responsibility Over Anxiety Iman reflects on his emotional struggles and distinguishes between feeling bad due to anxiety versus facing the consequences of personal choices. He believes that true anxiety stems from worrying about uncertain future events rather than acknowledging one's own decisions. Accepting responsibility for life choices is crucial, as it shapes one’s quality of life.

The Burden of Entrepreneurship He describes entrepreneurship as a challenging journey filled with stress and responsibilities akin to being the captain of a ship. The pressure at high levels can lead to mental strain, yet he emphasizes that individuals have the power to change their circumstances if they choose not to bear such burdens anymore. Success comes with sacrifices often hidden behind social media's glamorous portrayals.

Unveiling True Success Iman stresses transparency in sharing his experiences, highlighting how success involves overcoming numerous rejections and challenges over time. Many people desire an idealized version of success without understanding its costs or complexities; this misconception leads them astray regarding what constitutes a fulfilling life. Ultimately, he suggests that quitting may lead only to feelings of unfulfillment since productivity brings value.

Self-awareness is crucial in understanding personal motivations and desires. Many individuals possess unique talents that can lead to financial success, yet they continue working beyond necessity due to an intrinsic drive. The pursuit of being the best often comes with significant stress and sacrifices enjoyment, leading some to question the value of relentless ambition when a comfortable life could be achieved at lower levels of achievement. Ultimately, living authentically according to one's true self may require time for reflection but results in a more fulfilling existence.

A protector instinctively looks out for others, often without recognition. This individual constantly analyzes their surroundings and takes small actions to improve the lives of those nearby, like charging friends' devices to prevent inconvenience. They possess a unique ability to absorb stress without being overwhelmed, viewing this as a gift that compels them to help others. Their philosophy is influenced by literature they admire, such as 'Atlas Shrugged,' which resonates deeply with their values.

Cherished Moments Amidst Turmoil Iman reflects on his childhood, describing it as tumultuous, quick, and a blessing. As an only child with few friends due to introversion, he cherishes memories of playing Lego and football with his mother. He appreciates her sacrifices in entertaining him during those moments.

Loss of Innocence Through Harsh Realities At eight years old, Iman faced a shocking moment when he received a call from London escorts regarding his stepdad. This incident marked the end of innocence for him; despite not fully understanding its implications at that age, he felt guilty about revealing the truth to his mom. It was this experience that forced him into adult-like thinking prematurely.

Freedom From Flawed Legacies Growing up without a father figure shaped Iman's perspective significantly; while many see single-parent households negatively impacting children’s lives, he views it differently. His lack of paternal influence allowed him freedom from flawed beliefs often passed down through generations but left gaps in practical knowledge like fishing or changing tires.

.Navigating Relationships Without Attachment When confronted by new male figures like stepdads or mentors throughout life after experiencing abandonment issues early on didn’t affect Iman deeply since there was never anything lost initially—his biological father had always been absent. Thus no emotional attachment formed towards any potential replacements made acceptance easier yet distant feelings remained intact toward them all along their journey together

Iman describes her mother, Muminat, as a complex figure shaped by her Russian and Middle Eastern heritage. Despite their differences, she admires the selflessness of motherhood and believes it to be the most honorable role one can have. Iman reflects on how crucial her mother's teachings were in shaping who she is today; without them, she fears she'd have turned out negatively. She emphasizes respect for parents within her culture while acknowledging that disagreements are natural but must be approached with reverence.

A vivid dream revealed a surreal experience where the dreamer had a son who was actually himself, creating an intense and lucid state. This encounter sparked meaningful conversations that imparted life lessons about retaining one's childish spirit amidst life's challenges. Despite navigating through emotional seasons and internal struggles, the importance of embracing joy and innocence remains paramount for personal growth.

The Struggle Between Education and Financial Independence Leaving private school was a contentious decision, especially after significant investment from my mother. Despite her strong beliefs about education and marriage stability, I felt compelled to drop out at 17 when I started earning enough money to support myself and my family. My early experiences of financial struggle shaped my perspective on education; while I believe everyone should finish school, in some cases like mine where one is financially independent, it can be justified.

Commitment Over Comfort: The Importance of Going All-In Having only one plan—my business—was crucial for me as it eliminated the option of quitting too easily. Many people settle for good-paying jobs instead of pursuing their passions due to fear or comfort with security; however, true commitment often requires going all-in without a backup plan initially. As circumstances change over time in life and markets evolve unpredictably, it's essential to develop multiple plans later on but starting off demands full dedication based on what you have at stake.

Struggling with the feeling of not being good enough is a common insecurity, often experienced by those who strive for greatness. This self-doubt drives individuals to constantly evaluate their achievements and question if they meet high standards. The pursuit of excellence comes with significant mental strain as one grapples with chaos while aiming for extraordinary results. Each night brings reflection on whether enough has been done, yet the answer remains elusive; this ongoing quest becomes an infinite game that fuels ambition.

Aligning Success with Life's Seasons Success is defined by living in alignment with the current season of life. At this moment, it involves managing significant stress and responsibilities while prioritizing personal growth over interpersonal relationships. Acknowledging that sacrifices are necessary, one recognizes areas where they fall short as a partner or friend due to overwhelming obligations. The understanding that future seasons will bring different priorities allows for acceptance of present challenges without losing sight of long-term aspirations.

Balancing Selfishness and Selflessness The balance between selflessness and selfishness is crucial; being true to one's morals and dreams should not be compromised for others' expectations. Material gifts do not equate to love or fulfillment in relationships, highlighting the importance of quality time over lavish gestures. Despite hectic schedules, maintaining connections through dedicated moments can foster understanding among loved ones about life's demands while nurturing personal ambitions.

Confronting Darkness Through Radical Lifestyle Changes In 2020, Iman faced severe anxiety and suicidal thoughts. The distinction between merely contemplating ending life and actively planning it marks a critical point of despair. During this fragile time, he eliminated caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods from his diet to regain control over his mental state. He emphasized the importance of stripping away distractions that allow negative influences to invade one's mind.

Building Barriers Against Negative Influences Iman believes many people unknowingly contribute to their depression through unhealthy habits like poor diets or excessive social interactions. By eliminating harmful stimuli such as music with lyrics or casual dating while focusing on self-care practices like an elimination diet, individuals can significantly improve their mental health. Although some may require deeper intervention due to past trauma or ingrained issues, creating barriers against negativity is essential for recovery.

The Challenge of Love Languages Understanding love languages is crucial for meaningful relationships, yet many struggle to express appreciation in ways that resonate with others. A common misconception is equating presence or acts of service as sufficient expressions of love; however, these may not align with a partner's preferred love language. The challenge lies in recognizing and adapting to the emotional needs of loved ones rather than relying on personal comfort zones.

Overcoming Ego for Deeper Connections Ego often complicates our ability to connect genuinely with others' feelings and preferences. When gifts are given but not appreciated by the recipient, it can lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings about affection levels. True connection requires selflessness—prioritizing what matters most to those we care about over our own inclinations—and engaging openly in conversations about their desires fosters deeper bonds.

Redefining Arrogance Beyond Materialism Arrogance is often associated with ostentation, such as flaunting wealth through private jets and luxury brands. However, the speaker rejects this notion of arrogance by sharing their journey from struggling to succeed in business while maintaining honesty about challenges faced along the way. They emphasize that true arrogance would be presenting a perfect life when it’s not; instead, they acknowledge both successes and failures openly.

Authenticity Over Perception Living authentically means embracing personal style without succumbing to societal pressures or trends. The speaker reflects on their consistent lifestyle choices over time despite achieving significant financial success, highlighting that genuine self-expression matters more than public perception. While some may view lavish living as arrogant, they believe it's simply being true to oneself amidst an unrelatable reality for many.

Wealth Creation Through Agencies and E-Learning Iman built his wealth primarily through an agency business focused on retainers and paid ads, which he operated for six years. He then launched an e-learning company called Grow Agency to help other agency owners leverage their skills. This venture led him to create a software company named Agency Flow in partnership with a client, aimed at enhancing influencer marketing solutions for agencies.

Integrating Education with Software Solutions Transitioning from the initial success of his businesses, Iman rebranded his e-learning platform as Educate, offering diverse courses taught by various educators at $125 per month. While acknowledging that this model won't yield billionaire status alone, he emphasized the importance of integrating software into every career path or business model. By recommending essential tools like Shopify while maintaining equity stakes or partnerships in those solutions, Iman effectively monetizes these relationships within his educational framework.

The Necessity of Security in Public Life Security is essential for three main reasons: personal safety from potential threats, protection of valuables, and the need for privacy due to public recognition. Individuals with significant followings often face unique challenges as their fans may go to extreme lengths just to express gratitude or admiration. This can lead to uncomfortable situations where boundaries are tested.

Balancing Safety and Genuine Connections Having a security presence allows for better interactions with supporters while maintaining personal space during everyday activities like running errands or exercising. A skilled head of security blends into the background, ensuring that engagements remain positive without overwhelming interruptions. The goal is not only safety but also preserving genuine connections with followers.

Proactive Measures Against Unforeseen Risks In high-risk areas such as London or Cape Town, having security acts as an insurance policy against unforeseen dangers that could threaten one's family and peace of mind. Even moderately well-known individuals become targets; thus proactive measures are crucial in safeguarding loved ones from unnecessary risks associated with fame. Respectful environments like Dubai contrast sharply with other places where vigilance becomes paramount.

The Complexity of Opposite-Gender Friendships Opposite-gender friendships can exist, but they are often complicated. Girls may find it easier to maintain these friendships while guys struggle due to underlying attraction issues. Familiarity over time can diminish romantic interest, making long-term childhood friends more likely to remain platonic.

Mutual Respect is Key For a genuine friendship between men and women, there must be mutual respect and reciprocity in the relationship. Men often feel responsible for their female friends' safety during outings, which creates an imbalance if not reciprocated by the woman’s support or contributions.

Attraction vs Friendship Physical attraction complicates opposite-gender relationships; if either party feels attracted, true friendship becomes questionable. Women might overlook signs that a male friend has ulterior motives because they enjoy his company without recognizing potential feelings he harbors.

True Love vs Infatuation Love is often mistaken for infatuation, which can last from six months to two years. This initial phase resembles being high on a drug rather than true love. True love emerges over time, characterized by commitment and acceptance despite the loss of physical attraction. It’s about waking up next to someone after many years and feeling an unwavering bond that transcends fleeting emotions.

Depth Beyond Appearance The essence of lasting relationships lies in shared values and habits rather than superficial beauty or excitement. Over time, people realize they prefer reliability over thrill; much like choosing a dependable car instead of a flashy one that ultimately disappoints. The most admirable partners are those who embody grace and wisdom beyond mere looks—it's their character that truly captivates.

Understanding Cheating: Men's Desires vs Women's Disrespect Cheating often stems from deep-seated issues, differing between men and women. Men may cheat due to carnal desires or self-sabotage rooted in fear of intimacy, while women's infidelity typically arises from a lack of respect for their partner. The speaker believes that most cheating by women is linked to the man's failure to maintain her respect, although past trauma can also play a role in self-destructive behavior.

Breaking the Cycle: Accountability and Honesty in Relationships The cycle of unhealthy relationships can perpetuate emotional addiction, leading individuals back into harmful patterns despite better options being available. Acknowledging personal flaws and experiences is crucial for growth; however, accountability lies with both partners—men should recognize signs that indicate when their partner's feelings are shifting. Ultimately, honesty about wrongdoing is essential as hidden actions will eventually surface over time.

Unrealistic Expectations in Love Many marriages fail due to unrealistic expectations shaped by movies and media, which portray love as perfect and magical. This leads people to believe that relationships should always be idyllic, ignoring the reality that love can often feel like a battle requiring commitment. While some couples may genuinely try for years without success, many give up too easily when faced with discomfort instead of working through their issues.

The Impact of Friendships on Marriage The influence of friends plays a significant role in marital stability; divorced friends may encourage negativity rather than support reconciliation. It's crucial for individuals to reflect on what they appreciate about their partners during tough times instead of succumbing to peer pressure or pity parties. The company one keeps can greatly affect personal choices and values within marriage—surrounding oneself with supportive influences is essential for nurturing lasting relationships.

Being a good father involves gaining life experiences and sharing that wisdom with children. The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping out into the world, facing challenges, and learning from them to enrich their parenting approach. Self-awareness about parental roles is crucial; understanding what kind of parent one wants to be fosters a strong partnership in raising children. A united front between parents enhances their effectiveness as caregivers.

Critique of Traditional Education's Purpose The educational system was designed to produce obedient factory workers, limiting critical thinking and personal conclusions. Many successful individuals do not emerge from traditional schooling due to its restrictive nature. While advocating for quality education through an e-learning platform and building schools in Nepal, there's a recognition that the relevance of education varies by region; what works in one area may not apply universally. Recent teachings have become alarming, particularly regarding inappropriate concepts introduced at young ages.

Impact of Student Loans on College Affordability Rising college costs are largely driven by easy access to student loans rather than genuine value addition from institutions. This inflation mirrors trends seen in other sectors like healthcare and housing where prices soar without corresponding improvements or outcomes for consumers. The ease with which students can obtain large loans raises concerns about financial responsibility when pursuing degrees that may lack clear career paths or returns on investment.

The Distortion of Reality Through Social Media Consumption Social media can distort reality, leading users to believe they are not achieving enough in life. Many people mindlessly scroll through platforms like TikTok or listen to podcasts without realizing these activities provide entertainment rather than education. This consumption often creates a false sense of urgency and inadequacy, pushing individuals away from their own paths toward success.

Navigating Personal Success Amidst Online Comparisons In the past, personal achievements were celebrated more genuinely; today’s social media landscape fosters comparison that undermines self-worth. Individuals may feel successful by traditional standards but still perceive themselves as failures when comparing with others online. It's crucial for users to maintain a strong mindset and recognize that what works for someone else might not be suitable for them—each person's journey is unique and should be valued accordingly.

Teaching children to truly listen to others' stories fosters understanding and empathy. By recognizing the journey that led someone to their current situation, kids can replace hatred with compassion. This skill allows them to appreciate different perspectives without judgment, even if they disagree with someone's choices or destination in life. Engaging in meaningful conversations is essential for this learning process; it encourages deeper connections and insights into character.

Iman views money as a tool for improving lives and a benchmark for personal growth. He emphasizes the importance of authenticity in discussing wealth, contrasting it with superficial social media portrayals. Money should be celebrated like athletic achievements; however, societal perceptions often label those who discuss their financial success negatively. Iman acknowledges that while making money can indicate skill and growth, true impact on the world is paramount. Ultimately, he believes in dying with zero to avoid the pitfalls associated with unearned wealth.

Iman envisions a dinner with three influential figures: Marcus Aurelius, Adolf Hitler, and Cleopatra. He admires Marcus for his philosophical insights and believes understanding both good and evil is essential; hence he would invite Hitler to explore the complexities of morality despite his heinous actions. Lastly, Iman chooses Cleopatra for her powerful influence over men in leadership roles, appreciating how she wielded feminine power effectively behind the scenes.

Emotions and Symbols Revealed by Island Scenario Waking up stranded on an island evokes three emotions: fear, energy, and motivation. As you explore the island, you discover a wooden treasure box filled with survival tools—symbolizing your heart's capacity for love and service. A small metal ladder represents your strong but limited network of close relationships. Encountering a tiger illustrates how one might freeze in the face of challenges while assessing their reactions based on circumstances.

Navigating Love Through Metaphors The river encountered signifies one's approach to love; curiosity about where it leads reflects openness to experiences. This imaginative exercise serves as a subconscious exploration of feelings towards life’s challenges and relationships, revealing insights into emotional states without direct questioning. The process highlights personal growth through metaphorical interpretations that resonate deeply within individual contexts.

A card game is introduced, designed for friends and family to explore fate through questions. Players draw cards that prompt introspective queries about life choices, such as whether they would choose their current life if given a chance to be reborn. The conversation shifts from light-hearted fun to deeper reflections on personal honesty regarding one's past experiences and familial ties. One participant expresses openness to any question posed, highlighting the depth of the discussion which oscillates between casual dialogue and serious inquiry.

Happiness often eludes definition, as moments that seem joyful can feel fleeting and different from expectations. True happiness is found in simple experiences, like walking through a park and enjoying the sound of leaves rustling in the wind. These serene instances bring a sense of peace and presence that are rare but deeply fulfilling.

People often deceive themselves about their true desires in life due to societal pressures and fear of judgment. This can manifest as a reluctance to pursue passions or conforming to expectations, whether it's choosing a career path or personal relationships. Emotional triggers serve as indicators that there are deeper issues at play; when something elicits an intense reaction, it suggests unresolved feelings tied to past experiences. Recognizing these emotional responses is crucial for understanding one's authentic self and breaking free from the lies we tell ourselves.

Enduring Pain Through Silence The most painful words often come from those closest to us, leaving lasting scars. A person reflects on the hurtful comments made by their stepfather about their mother during childhood, emphasizing the helplessness felt in that oppressive environment. The inability to respond or defend her mother created a deep sense of frustration and emotional turmoil.

Understanding Hurt: Reflection and Resilience Hurtful remarks can reveal more about the speaker than the subject; they often stem from personal insecurities. In this case, while insults were directed at his mother, it was not just their content but also being unable to counter them that caused pain. True hurt arises when criticism resonates with our own self-doubt; however, if one recognizes such criticisms as unfounded opinions rather than truths, they lose power over one's emotions.

My mother has been the most impactful figure in my life, akin to an Olympic torch that ignited a flame within me. Before her influence, I felt there was no guiding light; while my grandparents were remarkable individuals, growing up in the Soviet Union with a large family meant limited direct guidance for any one child. My mother's presence and support have shaped who I am today.

Iman's influence has ignited a passion for fatherhood, inspiring excitement about passing on values to the next generation. Despite achieving many personal goals, there remains an unfulfilled aspiration: becoming an exceptional husband and father. This pursuit is viewed as one of life's most rewarding challenges, highlighting the deep fulfillment that comes from nurturing family relationships.

Iman reflects on the importance of communication with loved ones, particularly his mother, as he considers what it would mean to leave without saying goodbye. He emphasizes that she is his only family and expresses a deep emotional connection to her. If faced with imminent death, Iman would reassure her about the incredible life he's lived despite its ups and downs. His message would focus on gratitude for experiences rather than sadness or remorse, highlighting fulfillment in living fully even within a short span.

Iman embodies faith, a concept deeply rooted in personal experience. From a young age, moments of despair led to reflections on life and the importance of prayer as an anchor during tough times. This journey highlights the necessity of believing in something greater than oneself while navigating life's challenges. The speaker emphasizes that their existence is guided by faith—faith in higher ideals and self-belief—and acknowledges struggles with atheism as it contrasts sharply with their worldview.

The podcast emphasizes the importance of uncovering the human side behind public personas, aiming to add depth to well-known figures. Emotional vulnerability is highlighted as a powerful aspect of humanity; strong men crying can evoke deep feelings and resonate with audiences. The struggle for men to express emotions openly is acknowledged, revealing societal pressures that discourage such displays. Observations about how women react emotionally when witnessing male tears underscore this complexity in gender dynamics.